Dealing with grief is one of those emotions I have always had real difficulty dealing with, as I know many others do too. Having only suffered a few losses in my life, I have realised over the past month that after hearing some awful news, that I just didn’t know how to handle the emotions that came with the loss of someone.
I noticed over this past month, when reminded of the harsh reality of the situation, almost everyday, that everything else seems so insignificant in comparison to death. Weeks later, I still have this gut-wrenching, whole consuming feeling that makes me feel sick to the stomach and instantly alters my mood at even at the mention of their name, or something that reminds me of the reality that they’re gone, but sometimes time is the only thing that can help you to heal.
It’s a morbid topic to discuss; but a very important one, and personally I’ve never read a blog post about grief, which I think is strange really. For some reason, I feel as though my blog isn’t the place to discuss this matter as I never discuss personal issues/matters publicly, and knowing that this blog can be seen by anyone anywhere is a daunting prospect. However I think it is so important that we open up a conversation about the way in which people deal with grief themselves and how we can support those going through it as death often catches us off guard and we therefore find it difficult to emotionally manage the death of a loved one.
I’m going to explain ways in which i find have helped me a little through this month, and although they aren’t long term fixes, I hope that they may help my readers in the same way they’ve helped me as a coping mechanism.
- Write. – Writing; either a blog post or in my diary helps me so much. I have to remember that everything I publish on here could be read by anyone so I write most of my thoughts and emotions into a notebook as a sort of diary. Getting my thoughts out onto a page is one of the best forms of therapy for me; and once I’ve wrote it all down, I try to make it into something more positive like this post, so that I can help others who are going through the same and let them know that its okay, because I know I’ve been so grateful for posts that have helped me know that it’s okay to feel a certain way.
- Listen to music. – There’s something about putting your earphones in and closing your eyes that can honestly instantly take you away and distract you from the struggles you are facing. There’s certain songs that have helped me so much through difficult times and I’ve compiled them into a playlist here.
- Read a book. – Like I said about music, reading can also transform you to a different place, far away from the emotions you’re experiencing and help you get away for a bit if it is all a bit too much.
- Talk it out. – Me and my best friend both agree that pretending the death hasn’t happened by avoiding talking about it is the worst thing that anyone can do for you on a personal level. I know that some people will get upset by discussing it, but to pretend nothing has happened has really impacted on my grieving and made it worse in a way and talking about it and their life has been a sort of therapy for me and my friends who are also suffering the loss, I think.
- It’s okay to be happy. – To laugh about one’s jokes or something the person did, or to even distract yourself for a moment and try to cheer yourself up is okay too. Everyone deals with death differently; personally, I haven’t cried in front of anyone except my best friend after I found out, and I have tried to put on a brave face since and be positive, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t addressed my grief when I’m alone and cried it out too. But equally, it’s acceptable for others to show their emotions more publicly and to be down.
However you deal with grief is acceptable, and my aim of this post is for people to realise that no matter how they deal with it, its okay and everyone takes their own time to come to terms with the horrible loss of someone close to them.